The Sexologist https://the-sexologist.com Agnes Silvani Tue, 23 Jun 2026 16:12:26 +0000 de hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=7.0 https://the-sexologist.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/06/S-big.svg The Sexologist https://the-sexologist.com 32 32 Holding Space for Non-Monogamy Without Pathologizing or Cheerleading It https://the-sexologist.com/non-monogamy-without-pathologizing/ Mon, 22 Jun 2026 15:07:45 +0000 https://the-sexologist.com/?p=172335 Two equal and opposite errors show up when a clinician meets a client in consensual non-monogamy. The first is to treat the relationship structure as the diagnosis — to assume the open marriage is the symptom and monogamy the implied cure. The second, more common now in affirming circles, is to over-correct into cheerleading, where every difficulty gets reframed as growth and the clinician becomes…

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]]> Why Your Intake Form Is Quietly Sabotaging the First Session https://the-sexologist.com/intake-form-first-session/ Wed, 17 Jun 2026 15:05:32 +0000 https://the-sexologist.com/?p=172331 The intake form is the first clinical intervention, and most of us inherited ours from general practice without ever auditing it. By the time a client sits down, the form has already taught them what is sayable here and what is not. A document built for generic mental health work quietly communicates that sex is an add-on, an afterthought squeezed into a checkbox — and clients, reliably…

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]]> Treating the Nervous System Before You Treat the Symptom https://the-sexologist.com/nervous-system-before-symptom/ Tue, 16 Jun 2026 10:31:23 +0000 https://the-sexologist.com/?p=172241 A client presents with a symptom — pain, avoidance, numbing out, an arousal that switches off the moment things get close. The reflex is to treat the symptom: psychoeducation, sensate focus, a behavioural plan. Sometimes that works. When it stalls, it is often because the symptom was never the problem. It was a nervous system doing precisely what a threatened or shut-down state requires…

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]]> When Desire Discrepancy Is Actually an Attachment Mismatch in Couples https://the-sexologist.com/desire-discrepancy-attachment-mismatch/ Tue, 16 Jun 2026 10:24:21 +0000 https://the-sexologist.com/?p=172234 Desire discrepancy walks into the room as a complaint about frequency. It almost never is one. By the time a couple books, the lower-desire partner has been cast as the obstacle and the higher-desire partner as the deprived — a script both have rehearsed for years. If we accept that framing, we end up coaching frequency and managing resentment. The more useful question is rarely how often…

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]]> The Countertransference No One Trained You to Notice in Sex Therapy https://the-sexologist.com/countertransference-sex-therapy/ Wed, 10 Jun 2026 10:30:58 +0000 https://the-sexologist.com/?p=172239 Generalist training teaches countertransference as a largely cognitive event: notice your reaction, reflect on it, bring it to supervision. Sex therapy adds a complication nobody quite prepares you for, which is that your reactions arrive in the body — sometimes as arousal, sometimes as disgust, sometimes as an urgent wish to fix a client’s pain — and they arrive before any reflection is possible.

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